Adele has spoken of her grief and guilt over the loss of her high-profile character. residence in Las Vegaswhich he canceled at the last minute in January, disappointing fans who had paid thousands of pounds to travel and attend.
“I was a shell of a person for a couple of months,” reveals the singer in a radio interview. “I just had to wait and cry, I guess, cry the shows and get over the guilt, but it was brutal.”
His comments come on the heels of his concerts on Friday and Saturday in London: first time performing live in five years. Ambushed with emotion at points during the performances, the singer let the crowd of 65,000 know that new US dates would be announced “very, very soon.”
Now Adele, whose birth name is Adele Adkins, tells the host of desert island pucks, Lauren Laverne, who needed to privately deal with the consequences of her decision to cancel residency. “The show wasn’t good enough. Perhaps my silence has been deadly, I don’t know. But it was horrible,” she said.
However, the multiple award-winning star has no regrets about retiring: “I definitely felt everyone’s disappointment and I was devastated, and I was afraid of letting them down. I thought I could put it together and make it work and I couldn’t, and I stand by that decision.
“I don’t think any other artist would have done what I did and that’s why it was such a huge story,” he adds. Adele. “It was like, ‘I don’t care. You can’t buy me, you can’t buy me for nothing. I’m not going to do a show just because I have to or because people are going to be disappointed or because we’re going to lose a lot of money.
He also believes there was no reason to stay in a constant dialogue on social media: “Of course it could be someone on TikTok or Instagram Live every day, saying ‘I’m working on it.’ Of course I’m working on it! I’m not going to update them if I don’t have anything to update them with, because that only leads to more disappointment.”
speaking on the BBC radio4 on Sunday morning, Adele, 34, talks about how she has escaped public scrutiny for much of her adult life. She suspects that her need to behave like “a recluse” may even have “fueled” her public interest in her: “Sometimes two years would pass and I was nowhere to be seen. She used to hang out at home. But I also have a complete setup of how I move, and no one knows, just so I can go out and be completely unconcerned.”
Now, with the help of her new partner, American sports agent Rich Paul, the Londoner, who lives in Beverly Hills, says she has been preparing to step back into the spotlight. Paul, she says, encourages her to appear in public. “He says, ‘If you want to go to that restaurant, you should go and try the food at that restaurant and if you want to go to this birthday party, then you should go. You can’t miss these things, what’s the worst that can happen?’”
The singer tells Laverne about her reliance on regular therapy sessions and her growing acceptance that she is “a sad person.” Her age and parenting have also helped her, she explains. I do not have time now. I am tired now: I am older. It doesn’t cost me much to be content and happy.”
But stage fright is something that is unlikely to happen: “My adrenaline means I’m excited and my nerves mean I want to go and put on a great show. When I don’t feel that way, I’m done, I won’t do it anymore. I think a lot of people don’t really care anymore and it breaks my heart when I go to a show or listen to an album and think, ‘I guess they don’t care what they’re doing anymore.’ ”
Speaking candidly about her absent father, who died last year, Adele says that as a child he often let her down because of his “demons”. “I didn’t have her attention. I decided to stop watching it when she was about 12 years old.” But when she got sick, she visited him and discovered that they shared a sense of humor.
Discussing her recent, widely publicized weight loss, she tells Laverne that she considers it a private issue, but is bothered by the idea that some fans might think she has “betrayed” them.
“I understand why the press wants to know, because I didn’t share my journey like other people do… I did it quietly.” The exercise, she says, has given her “focus” and “made me feel like I was getting stronger mentally, by getting stronger physically.”
“But I felt terrible for some people who felt other people’s comments meant they didn’t look good or that they weren’t beautiful.”